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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in JuLEs' LiveJournal:

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Thursday, August 21st, 2003
5:52 pm
5:50 pm
Sunday, January 27th, 2002
9:57 pm
Ha! Cool-e-o weekend! Friday rocked the houie because I ws scared sh*tless. Yes, Mothman Prophecies is quite scary, and VERY confusing! Saturday was neat 'cause I got cool stuff at the Dollar Store, and hung out with very neat friends. Today, worked on the townhouse-it is killer, and I am tired.

...can I borrow 4 dollars?
Sunday, January 20th, 2002
11:22 pm
If time could teach me a million things...I wouldn't listen.
You were there. I knew because I felt you standing there. Hidden under the shadows, you curved you finger, and motioned for me to come into darkness...

...Us...alone. Two black silhouettes seen only to the knowing eye. Emracing, regretting, embracing...remembering.

The light came, the lies came. Heard it all, know the routine. It's done, it's over with, it was good while it lasted...

Pain. Pain that was almost comforting, so familiar. It's done, and it will heal-it always does with time.

Tick, tick, tick...

You were there. I knew because I felt you standing there. Hidden under the shadows, you curved you finger, and motioned for me to come into darkness...

...Us...alone. Two black silhouettes seen only to the knowing eye. Emracing, regretting, embracing...remembering.

The light came...and there you were. You stood, you stayed. Heart shouts, "Trust!" Mind warns, "Careful."

I Trust. I trust because you're worth it...I trust because time no longer matters...I trust because I know.

Tick, Tick, Tick...
10:40 pm
So Marcus and I went to the townhouse today only to find out that the people that were supposed to be out still lived there. The didn't answer the door, so we just went on in. There was some tobacco and a knife of the shelf...hmmmm. They had no furniture, clothes on the floor, and comforters and pillows on the floor. Niiiiice way to live. Well, daddy is going to go down there to change the locks, and we'll begin moving in. Man, I can't wait!

So, yeah, the cat-I threw in into the bathroom while Marcus was pee-peeing.
Saturday, January 12th, 2002
2:32 pm
It's over-I'm not gonna waste my time with it. I'm secure with everything, and I don't need to rag on anyone else to feel better about myself...
Tuesday, January 1st, 2002
11:31 pm
You know those chocolate oranges? Ha-I love those things. I like whackin' 'em. Lets out some sort of frustration or something. Scary-I mean I REALLY get some kind of thrill out of it.

So yeah-last night, Marcus and I got kinda drunk. It's funny 'cause momma bought the drinks...and I'm all excited 'cause I never drink-soooooo, I go ahead and drink HALF a wine glass full of wine and BOOM!...my face is a tomato. Mom is all like, "You'll never be able to lie to me about drinking." Well, well, well-I'll never be a good drunk, how sad. Then Marcus and I went over to Heath's house, drank some vodka, fell asleep during part of a movie, then stayed up for like 5 hrs on the floor until we could go home (couldn't sleep). Weeeeee-fun.

Bye-bye.
Tuesday, December 4th, 2001
9:08 pm
slander (slndr)
n.
1. Law. Oral communication of FALSE statements injurious to a person's reputation.
2. A FALSE and malicious statement or report about someone.

Hey, Jeff-why don't you get a life, and stop reading my journal...oh, wait-now that you got fired and don't have a job, you probably have nothing better to do. Well, whatever.
Monday, November 26th, 2001
7:10 pm
Jeff is fat and has a big square head!
Geez, it's been forever since I've written in this thing. I want to start writing more often, but I never have time anymore. Marcus is over just about every day, and doesn't leave until 10-10:30 (No complaints, though!). So, there 2 big things (Well, 1 BIIIIIG, and one sexy!) clouding my mind right now, and I just need to get them out.

1.) Jeff-how gay is HE?! HAHA! I've ALWAYS thought he was gay, but that's a different story, and I meant gay in this paragraph as meaning stupid...etc. First off, I would just like to say, that the only reason I EVER was his friend was to make Marcus happy, and the only reason I pretended to like him was because I knew Marcus would know about it, and be jealous. Why else would I have said no to him every time he asked me out? Ugh! He's so fat, and his head is so big, and he's such an alcoholic! Dang! Why would I want THAT? I can't believe he thought I actually liked him! ANYone with HALF a brain would have known that it was to make Marcus jealous...why else would I be seen with him?! He's so NAAAAASTY! Also, he's jealous as crap! He's just upset 'cause the only girls he can get are dirty! Ha! Sux to be him!

2.) I'm getting married in 6 1/2 months! Eeek! I tried on dressed last Sat. It was fun! It made me realise that it's for real! I love him so much...he knows that, and I know he feels the same. Gosh, he's sexy! I can't get enough of him! YuMMY!

Done!
Monday, November 5th, 2001
7:34 pm
Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-I-I Wish You Were Here! (You will be in like 30 mins!)
So I looked in the mirror tonight, and it was so crazy. I didn't see a kid...I saw a wife. Geez-I saw a wife and a mommy. One day I will be a mommy. Not soon, but one day. Very soon, however, I WILL be a wife. I can't wait. I'll be a very cool wife. We're going to live in Tampa in my parent's town house. We're gonna have a cat, and band posters all over. We'll have parties. Mmmm...I can't wait! If any of my friends don't come to the wedding, things will happen, I swear...so beware! Ha! That rhymed!
Tuesday, October 23rd, 2001
10:18 pm
Julia Mathes...how does that sound?


...that's what it'll be this summer.
Saturday, October 6th, 2001
11:24 pm
Yeah, I know-I haven't written in a while. I dunno-I guess nothing seemed worth writing about. Life is blurry right now...that's the best description I can give. It's blurry, and I can't find my glasses.


...has anyone seen them?
Tuesday, September 25th, 2001
7:50 pm
I hate emotions. When I get older, I'm going to create a pill that decreses the flow of whatever chemical creates sadness. See-I'll be rich AND unsad. I also hate confusion...yeah, that's GOTTA go. Then, everything will be perfect.
Thursday, September 20th, 2001
12:57 pm
You're with me
Til the bitter end
What we have transcends
This experience
Too painful to
Talk about
So I'll hold it in
Til my heart can mend
And be brave enough to love again

A place in time
Still belongs to us
Stays preserved in my mind
In the memories there is solace

Never too far away
I won't let time erase
One bit of yesterday
Cause I have learned that
Nobody can take your place
Though we can never be
I'll keep you close to me
When I remember

Glittering lights
Incandescent eyes
Still preserved
In my mind
In the memories I'll find solace

Never too far away
I won't let time erase
One bit of yesterday
And I have learned that
Nobody can take your place
Though we can never be
I'll keep you close to me
And I'll remember

A place in time
Still belongs to us
Stays preserved in my mind
In the memories there is solace

Never too far away
I won't let time erase
One bit of yesterday
Cause I have learned that
Nobody can take your place
And though we can never be
I'll always think of you and me
Always remember

Love

You're never too far


Never Too Far, Mariah Carey

Marcus-if you're reading this, I just wanted to say the last year has been unbelievable, and I'll always keep you in my heart. I'm sorry we couldn't make it work...
Sunday, September 16th, 2001
8:32 pm
Man, last night at Marcus' house was pretty crazy...We talked about things I had wanted to get out for a while. Good. I half cried, though. Bad. I had one tear come out of my right eye. That always happens. My left eye tear-maker is broken, I think. Well, we talked about the way we acted. I just told him I felt like our relationship was kinda...lie-based 'cause I act different when I'm around him now. In a way, though, maybe it's better that I'm starting to calm down. Once I get out of high school, I'm gonna need to have my act together 'cause if I continue on having this whole play life mentality going on, I'll never get serious in the real world. Then again, half of me misses that way Marcus and I use to be...so carefree. We talked about how perfect those last couple months were. I didn't worry about ANYthing (not that I think he's gonna do anything bad now...it was just different). Oh, well-we'll build up to that point again, I'm sure. Jeff said he likes the way I am now better. I'm glad he thinks better of me now, and I'm glad he cares. I think that everything will be fine. I do think my life is changing, and I'll just need to ride it through...
Saturday, September 15th, 2001
1:28 pm
Swirls are only good in Cinnamon Toast Crunch and Cheesecake-Not in you mind.
Man, I feel like I'm changing. I act different, and I feel different. I feel...weird. My body is all tingly, and my mind is in swirls. Know what sounds good to me right now? 1/2 of me says getting all dreesed up, going out, getting drunk, and not coming home 'till like 6 the next morning, but then that other half of me wants to put on a pair of flannel PJ pants, a big soft cotton shirt, and some socks and just wathch a movie while eating some popcorn (with M&M's). Know what, though? Out of both of those things, there's only one person I want to do them with...OK, OK-Maybe 2. :)
Wednesday, September 12th, 2001
8:14 pm
If there was one place...anywhere, any time...that I could be, it would, undoubtly, be in your arms. There's some sort of comfort there that I've never known, and even begining to describe it is a task that could not be accomplished. Even though things can get to the point that I have no idea on earth what you're thinking...if you just grab ahold of me, and surround me with that comfort that you bring...man, I always know that you really do love me. Yup...
Sunday, September 9th, 2001
9:22 pm
For those of you who have kept up with my life, I think it should be said that Marcus and I are back togeher...
Thursday, September 6th, 2001
12:57 pm
Is changing as bad as I make it out to be...or am I just scared of it?
Sunday, September 2nd, 2001
2:50 am
All I need to learn is how to speak my mind. Then, everything will be as perfect as it should be...



...but crap, it's already 3:00. Maybe later.

Current Mood: drained
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